My sweetheart Will and a note I found today, Chichen Itza and Merida

Here is a photo of Will and me in Palm Springs in 2004. That was a fun trip, Will took his mountain bike so he could ride every day in nature. I took books so I could read and a swimming suit so I could swim in the motel pool.

Below is a photo of a note he wrote for me.

I have lots of books in boxes, some of them because I am redecorating a bedroom from carpets to walls painted to a new bed. I bought a new hybrid mattress, foam on the top and inner springs too, supposed to be very comfy and sleep inducing.

I looked through a box of books today and found this sweet note from my husband Will on the cover of one of the books. This is my sixth year of being a widow and it was uplifting to get this note from him. The note reads "Excellent book, plus has some of the places we've been."

This note is one I will treasure forever, with the book. Will and I had 47 happy years together, 45 married. We had many adventures along the way, including hiring a jeep and driver to go to temples and ruins in the Yucatan jungle near Merida, Mexico. In Merida we had met a young couple from France and we enjoyed their company and we split the cost of hiring the jeep and guide with them. We climbed up a steep pyramid in Chichen Itza, with few tourists around. This book includes the Yucatan cities. Good memories. This "Green Dreams" book covers that area of the world.

Below are photos of Chichen Itza in the Yucatan peninsula of Mexico, near the Gulf of Mexico.

 

I don't recall too many restaurants from our travels, but one in Merida, Alberto's Continental Restaurant, stood out. It was in a hacienda with Moorish arches and total charm, built in the 1700s. The food was excellent, Lebanese, Yucatecan and Mexican. We loved the lime soup and Lebanese food. Alberto was a charming host, but sad to say, he closed the restaurant when he was in his 80s, back in 2013. So this isn't a place I can suggest you visit. Good times though.

Finding a note from my husband led me to write this post, taking me from a note to the Yucatan, in a trip down memory lane.

Elizabeth Cadell, Novelist Who Lived in India, the UK and Portugal

 

I recently put a book "Game In Diamonds" by Elizabeth Cadell on my list of books to read. The plot sounds fun, mystery, family rivalry and romance. Those are great ingredients for a novel, I think.

Have you read that book, or others by her? I read a couple of her books and found them entertaining, perfect reading for the sadness that sometimes arrives. My friend texted me that "we widows have a hard time in this pandemic with isolation." So true.

Do you sometimes hear about someone you would like to know more about? When I read that Cadell was born in Calcutta, India in 1903 that sparked my interest. During WWI she went to London to prepare for a career in music, but decided to return to India where she married and had two children. Widowed ten years later she returned to England. 

Cadell wrote 52 humorous and romantic novels, and her daughter is bringing them back to readers by publishing them. Cadell's story was not over; in 1960 she moved to Portugal. I like her spirit of living in different countries. She wrote many novels set in Portugal, lived there for 29 years, and died at the age of 85. She must have been an adventurous woman; I haven't found a memoir or biography of her. 

Rumer Goden is another author whose writing I admire, who lived in India and the UK. Any authors whose personal lives you find fascinating?

What Bounce and I are doing in September

Do you see Bounce's feet in his new snuggly bed?

I need help; Bounce is chewing up and tearing up his new bed. Do you have suggestions for a new stronger bed for him? I saw K-9 Ballistics and Chew Guard Beds, have you used them or other beds?

Above photo is to show me in one of my many hats, since I mention wearing hats in this post. This was taken in April 2017 with two of my sweet friends, Terry and Wei, celebrating my birthday on the patio of a favorite restaurant.
                                               SEPTEMBER FUN
On another note I realize that September is offering me quite a few events to attend. My church is starting a new group this month, with a luncheon for widows. This is a group no one wants to be in, being a widow, but I am excited to meet some people in the same sometimes leaky boat. These are people I can be honest with and tell them I am sad, which I sometimes/often am.
I signed up to go to a luncheon which is a benefit for a local group that takes seniors who are home bound out to lunch and to events. We can wear fun hats to the lunch, which I like. I am a hat lady. They protect our skin from the sun and I have quite an array of pretty ones.
Bible study is starting again once a week and this session is 10 weeks of reading the Psalms and the book we will use, "Discovering Hope in the Psalms" has pages to color in it. I have crayons and pencils at the ready.
The Senior Follies is this month too, and I have gone about 5 years in a row. Two of my friends sing and dance in it and they are very talented.
Oh, and the local Greek festival at their church on September 7-9, I love the food and music. Plus across the street is a book sale to benefit the public library. How convenient is that? Food and music and words to feed the mind, body and soul.
Is your September busy too?

Poems in my neigbhor's yard and my husband

The photo above is of a poetry holder in my neighbor's yard. Isn't that a brilliant idea? He or she changes the poems about once a month and they are always a treat to read as Bounce and I take our walks.
Below is a favorite poem, not from the neighbor's posting, but one I like. Today would have been my husband Will's 71st birthday and I am thinking of him and how his candle glowed amidst the winds of life.

CANDLE AGAINST THE WIND
​​​​​​​I know that I have life
​​​​​​​only insofar as I have love.
​​​​​​​I have not love
​​​​​​​except it comes from Thee.
​​​​​​​Help me, please, to carry
​​​​​​​this candle against the Wind.
written by ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Wendell Berry

Being a Widow and What I've Been Up To

 You know I post on different subjects, and don't want to bore non-widows with too much widow stuff, but it is part of my life now, and quite a few of my blog friends are in this same boat. We don't like to think of it but every loving marriage ends with a loved one as a widow or widower. This week when a lady said she wants to be more kind to her husband, I reminded her of that fact. She says yes, she thinks of me when she starts to say a harsh word to him.
Above photo is of my husband and a favorite mountain bike. He loved bicycling in nature on wild paths.
I have been a widow since November 2016 and I realize I am not the same Terra as I was the day before my husband Will died.
Much of me and much of my life has changed forever. Much of this change is unpleasant for me and there are a few good points too. Here is a lamp I bought with its beautiful colors.

I think many widows and widowers will agree that when you lose a long time spouse everything changes. You eat breakfast in a different way and sleep a different way. When you want to share some little thing, like a funny line from a book, your partner is missing.
In the first year I felt I was missing an arm, a leg, half of my brain and half of my heart. A friend whose husband of 40 years recently moved out and is filing for divorce says she feels the same way. It is about losing someone we love, someone who was part of our every day life for decades. People talk about the "widow fog" and I sure felt it. Now I am recovering but the new Terra is not the old Terra.
In Bible study recently with 14 women I realized 10 of them had not known me "before". So they never knew the old Terra before I was broken and began to slowly rebuild. A few precious friends knew the old and the new me.
I recommend Griefshare, just do an online search and there will likely be a group in your area. You do not need to say anything or you can share and my healing was helped by attending.
My house is so quiet now, which is kind of nice, yet kind of sad and lonely. I trained myself to say "my house" when for 34 years it has been "our house." And I at the same time love being alone to set my own pace to eat, read, watch TV, etc. That is relaxing. I do NOT want a roommate. There is a luxury to living alone.

I am redecorating my house. Painters came in and painted the long hall way and the kitchen, including the ceilings. They cleaned the walls before painting and fixed a few spots that needed putty, etc. I treated myself and bought a leather recliner (see photo above. Can you see the dulcimer that my husband Will made for me?). The chair is very comfortable and swivels which is a great feature, plus it rocks. The new recliner is from a local company that sells green earth friendly materials and it is all made in the USA.You can go ahead and laugh but I chose the color tan to coordinate with my tan dog. The dog hairs don't show.
My friend who was widowed when I was is freshening up her house too and we talk of it as steps in healing.
I am still wearing my wedding and engagement rings as I still feel married to Will. 
Aren't friends essential? Do you like having coffee with a friend? I meet friends at a coffee shop or at one of our homes once a week or so. Those chats range from light hearted to deep discussions and are fun.

Don't forget my little Bounce who gets me out of the house twice a day for walks, rain or shine. Here in California it is mostly shine.

If you have a partner give them lots of affection and attention while you can.
Word to the wise.

Bits and Bobs: Lipstick, Dog and Widow

Sometimes I have no unified blog post theme so here are three bits and bobs for a post.

These Chihuahua floor mats for my car make me smile, and as a widow I count each smile as a blessing. Aren't they cute? Yes, the painting looks like Bounce.

I have started to wear lipstick and lip gloss with SPF protection from the sun's rays. I bought an Avon lipstick with 15 SPF online in a pretty shade "Mad for Mauve". When I see Mauve as a color I often like the color on me. I understand that most people do not put on any SPF covering for their lips, which is a mistake. I also bought a pack of 3 Kiss My Face SPF 25 clear lip gloss and gave one to each of my sons.

Another attractive lip gloss (see above) is by Sheer Shine and each shade has a nice sheen to it. No. 5 is clear and No.22 is coral pink. These are SPF 25. No I have no connection with Avon or the other companies, I just like these products and hope to inspire y'all to care for your lips.

I am reading (obsessed with) lots of books on widowhood and people getting through tough times, and this one is hard to put down. Carol Joyce Oates wrote a memoir "A Widow's Story: A Memoir" about when her dear husband Ray died and the days and the six months after. She is so honest about her emotions and I am experiencing surprisingly many of the same thoughts.  I see amazing similarities between us: she met Ray at the UW student union where they were graduate students; some years later I was a grad student on that same campus and spent many an hour at the student union. Will and I met at the UCB student union. They were together 47 years like William and I. And lots more. She was so distraught she gathered a stash of pills, imagining taking them. I have not had that thought but went through many of the same things. I have not read her novels but wow, this book is one I could not put down. Three differences between us are that my children, faith community (church friends) and seeing a counselor are huge helps to me and Oates lacked these and yet survived in her own admirable way. No matter how you look at it, widowhood is bleak, but her book shows how she made it through. I thank her for writing it, it gives a ray of hope to me and to others who read it.