Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Above photo is of my husband and a favorite mountain bike. He loved bicycling in nature on wild paths.
I have been a widow since November 2016 and I realize I am not the same Terra as I was the day before my husband Will died.
Much of me and much of my life has changed forever. Much of this change is unpleasant for me and there are a few good points too. Here is a lamp I bought with its beautiful colors.
I think many widows and widowers will agree that when you lose a long time spouse everything changes. You eat breakfast in a different way and sleep a different way. When you want to share some little thing, like a funny line from a book, your partner is missing.
In the first year I felt I was missing an arm, a leg, half of my brain and half of my heart. A friend whose husband of 40 years recently moved out and is filing for divorce says she feels the same way. It is about losing someone we love, someone who was part of our every day life for decades. People talk about the "widow fog" and I sure felt it. Now I am recovering but the new Terra is not the old Terra.
In Bible study recently with 14 women I realized 10 of them had not known me "before". So they never knew the old Terra before I was broken and began to slowly rebuild. A few precious friends knew the old and the new me.
I recommend Griefshare, just do an online search and there will likely be a group in your area. You do not need to say anything or you can share and my healing was helped by attending.
My house is so quiet now, which is kind of nice, yet kind of sad and lonely. I trained myself to say "my house" when for 34 years it has been "our house." And I at the same time love being alone to set my own pace to eat, read, watch TV, etc. That is relaxing. I do NOT want a roommate. There is a luxury to living alone.
I am redecorating my house. Painters came in and painted the long hall way and the kitchen, including the ceilings. They cleaned the walls before painting and fixed a few spots that needed putty, etc. I treated myself and bought a leather recliner (see photo above. Can you see the dulcimer that my husband Will made for me?). The chair is very comfortable and swivels which is a great feature, plus it rocks. The new recliner is from a local company that sells green earth friendly materials and it is all made in the USA.You can go ahead and laugh but I chose the color tan to coordinate with my tan dog. The dog hairs don't show.
My friend who was widowed when I was is freshening up her house too and we talk of it as steps in healing.
I am still wearing my wedding and engagement rings as I still feel married to Will.
Aren't friends essential? Do you like having coffee with a friend? I meet friends at a coffee shop or at one of our homes once a week or so. Those chats range from light hearted to deep discussions and are fun.
Don't forget my little Bounce who gets me out of the house twice a day for walks, rain or shine. Here in California it is mostly shine.
If you have a partner give them lots of affection and attention while you can.
Word to the wise.
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
The second one I borrowed from the library and it is the second in the Charlotte and Thomas Pitt detective novels set in Victorian London. I am happy to have found this series and read the first one. The Victorian setting and customs are very accurate which adds to the charm.
I bought the third one "Driving Miss Norma" which is the true story of a lady who when he doctor prescribes intensive cancer treatment for her, tells him "I'm ninety years old and I'm hitting the road" as she travels across the USA in an RV with her son, daughter in law and poodle.
The 4th is special because a blog friend, Diane, mailed it to me as a surprise for my birthday in April. "The Underground Railroad" is a Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Colson Whitehead and I began reading it yesterday and it is very compelling and brutal and hard to stop reading. In my college years my best friend and I formed a campus group to work for equal rights for African Americans so the topic is meaningful to me.
After I wrote this post, but before publishing it three more books came to my house. A friend had a car trunk full of books she gave away and I am pleased I chose only one, telling her "I am a bookaholic and am limiting myself to one." She said the book I chose, Knowing God, is excellent.
This next one "Writing Hard Stories" has chapters by people who wrote memoirs of getting through hard times, and which I found at a Little Free Library while walking Bounce. Abigail Thomas is in this book and I love her books and have written about them on my blog.
Remember, I have NOT read any of these books, so am not recommending, just showing you some new arrivals at my house.
What books have appeared in your reading life recently?