Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Being a Widow and What I've Been Up To
Above photo is of my husband and a favorite mountain bike. He loved bicycling in nature on wild paths.
I have been a widow since November 2016 and I realize I am not the same Terra as I was the day before my husband Will died.
Much of me and much of my life has changed forever. Much of this change is unpleasant for me and there are a few good points too. Here is a lamp I bought with its beautiful colors.
I think many widows and widowers will agree that when you lose a long time spouse everything changes. You eat breakfast in a different way and sleep a different way. When you want to share some little thing, like a funny line from a book, your partner is missing.
In the first year I felt I was missing an arm, a leg, half of my brain and half of my heart. A friend whose husband of 40 years recently moved out and is filing for divorce says she feels the same way. It is about losing someone we love, someone who was part of our every day life for decades. People talk about the "widow fog" and I sure felt it. Now I am recovering but the new Terra is not the old Terra.
In Bible study recently with 14 women I realized 10 of them had not known me "before". So they never knew the old Terra before I was broken and began to slowly rebuild. A few precious friends knew the old and the new me.
I recommend Griefshare, just do an online search and there will likely be a group in your area. You do not need to say anything or you can share and my healing was helped by attending.
My house is so quiet now, which is kind of nice, yet kind of sad and lonely. I trained myself to say "my house" when for 34 years it has been "our house." And I at the same time love being alone to set my own pace to eat, read, watch TV, etc. That is relaxing. I do NOT want a roommate. There is a luxury to living alone.
I am redecorating my house. Painters came in and painted the long hall way and the kitchen, including the ceilings. They cleaned the walls before painting and fixed a few spots that needed putty, etc. I treated myself and bought a leather recliner (see photo above. Can you see the dulcimer that my husband Will made for me?). The chair is very comfortable and swivels which is a great feature, plus it rocks. The new recliner is from a local company that sells green earth friendly materials and it is all made in the USA.You can go ahead and laugh but I chose the color tan to coordinate with my tan dog. The dog hairs don't show.
My friend who was widowed when I was is freshening up her house too and we talk of it as steps in healing.
I am still wearing my wedding and engagement rings as I still feel married to Will.
Aren't friends essential? Do you like having coffee with a friend? I meet friends at a coffee shop or at one of our homes once a week or so. Those chats range from light hearted to deep discussions and are fun.
Don't forget my little Bounce who gets me out of the house twice a day for walks, rain or shine. Here in California it is mostly shine.
If you have a partner give them lots of affection and attention while you can.
Word to the wise.